love hate relationship
i have a massive love hate relationship with mother's day. it's been that way for a long time.
after being married for a while and dealing with infertility for years. mother's day became a sore spot with me. every may i would either fear going to church or not go at all. the little gifts they give all women, whether they are mothers or not, does not help. in fact sometimes it hurts more than it's meant to. when we were finally able to maintain a pregnancy i went into labor and delivered on.....mother's day. we could not help but see the poetic justice in that. so mothers day had a different meaning for me, but i still did not love mothers' day.
as time has gone on i hated mothers day for different reasons. i hated being reminded that i was not a perfect mother. i hated that i didn't love mother's day. i hated that i was a mother when so many others were suffering with the pain i had felt myself not so long ago. guilt is a mothers worst enemy and mothers day tends to bring this out in droves.
mother's day also brings up expectations of grandeur. we see commercials of mothers waking up in a beautifully bright bedroom with white linens being brought a gorgeous tray of food as she smiles and hugs her kids.
i know i'm not the only one but this does not happen. first i hate eating in my bed. i'd rather come down and enjoy a meal at the table. second there is no way that being woken up is pleasant. it usually includes someone jumping on my head or screaming in my face. just let me sleep.
i also have unreasonable expectations that every child will be a perfect angel that one day a year just to prove to me how much they love and appreciate me. ummm...that doesn't happen either. this year i had two kids who refused to sing with the primary on the stand. one was so distraught over his bad choice he then cried for the next hour. seriously, banner moments for a mother.
i've decided to appreciate mother's day for what it is, not for what i or society have made it.
i will love it for the small moments of appreciation i receive. i will love it for the service that i am able to do for my children. i will love it because i have an amazing mother who taught me how to be a god loving woman. i will love it for the simple fact that i am a mother and i have one day a year to appreciate myself and to allow others to show their appreciation. i will love it for the man i've got who made me a mother, and who treats me like a queen like every woman should be treated.
i will love mother's day
who's with me?