love hate relationship

mother's day....sigh.....
i have a massive love hate relationship with mother's day. it's been that way for a long time.
after being married for a while and dealing with infertility for years. mother's day became a sore spot with me. every may i would either fear going to church or not go at all. the little gifts they give all women, whether they are mothers or not, does not help. in fact sometimes it hurts more than it's meant to. when we were finally able to maintain a pregnancy i went into labor and delivered on.....mother's day. we could not help but see the poetic justice in that. so mothers day had a different meaning for me, but i still did not love mothers' day.
as time has gone on i hated mothers day for different reasons.  i hated being reminded that i was not a perfect mother. i hated that i didn't love mother's day. i hated that i was a mother when so many others were suffering with the pain i had felt myself not so long ago. guilt is a mothers worst enemy and mothers day tends to bring this out in droves.
mother's day also brings up expectations of grandeur. we see commercials of mothers waking up in a beautifully bright bedroom with white linens being brought a gorgeous tray of food as she smiles and hugs her kids.
i know i'm not the only one but this does not happen. first i hate eating in my bed. i'd rather come down and enjoy a meal at the table. second there is no way that being woken up is pleasant. it usually includes someone jumping on my head or screaming in my face. just let me sleep.
i also have unreasonable expectations that every child will be a perfect angel that one day a year just to prove to me how much they love and appreciate me. ummm...that doesn't happen either. this year i had two kids who refused to sing with the primary on the stand. one was so distraught over his bad choice he then cried for the next hour. seriously, banner moments for a mother.
i've decided to appreciate mother's day for what it is, not for what i or society have made it.
i will love it for the small moments of appreciation i receive. i will love it for the service that i am able to do for my children. i will love it because i have an amazing mother who taught me how to be a god loving woman. i will love it for the simple fact that i am a mother and i have one day a year to appreciate myself and to allow others to show their appreciation. i will love it for the man i've got who made me a mother, and who treats me like a queen like every woman should be treated.

i will love mother's day

who's with me?


The Dragonfly said...

I have completely lowered my expectations for Mother's Day and now I am happy. The expectations are as follows: I will get to sleep in. I will not be fed food in my bed. I will not cook all day. I will not change a poopy diaper.

My kids fought and I raised my voice at them on Mother's Day. And I was totally okay with it.

This is me embracing Mother's Day. :)

Natalie said...

I totally agree with you. I wrote about this same idea on my blog that I just have to appreciate the day as a day of knowing the amazing women around me. Heaven knows my family isn't going to do anything for me! Love it.

Elise said...

Two years running, the talks on Mothers day at our church were about how to be a better mother. I had to laugh about that!

I love what you've written here. I agree about the gifts. They always seem kind of hokey. What about empty-nesters who made serious mistakes as mothers and have a lot of regrets and no opportunity to go back and change anything? Not to mention some of the other issues you brought up.

mrs. r said...

Totally get this. Twas not my mom's fave holiday growing up for many of the same reasons you expressed minus the infertility (which I was able to experience), but Mom had a change of heart that totally helped me out during my childless years. She celebrates *us* on Mother's Day since we "made her a mom" all while we celebrate her. I love this attitude and try to carry it over to my home too--especially since we celebrate the boys' birth mothers too.

Great post!

Christie Norris said...

I heard a story (on Mother's Day) that talked about how Pres. Spencer W. Kimball used to stand and sing "We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet" in full voice with everyone else. Not because he thought to aggrandize himself as a prophet, but to show gratitude for prophets and for all the prophets who had gone before. The same can be said for Mothers.