to be a mom

"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." --Elizabeth Stone

as a mother i always feel inadequate. there is nothing in life more special, more sacred, more divine than to be a mother. it is, at times, overwhelming, frustrating, tear inducing, heart wrenching and downright rough. at the same time the unspeakable joy and love overcomes any negativity.
3 John 1:4

"I have no greater joy than to hear my children walk in truth"

i write this on james birthday. the child who was hoped for, prayed for and loved for many years before he came. his birth showed us that God loves us and has a plan for each of us that we cannot comprehend. a God who showed us that he teaches, sometimes through humor.

i always hated mothers' day. a day that served as a reminder during years & years of infertility that i was a failure. i did not take it as a time to celebrate my own mother. i looked at it as a day that i could not and should not celebrate. i was not welcomed in this "club".God in His own loving way taught us a funny lesson when james was born. you see, james was born on mothers' day. the poetic justice was not lost on us. another reminder that the Lord's time does not always coincide with our earthly timetables.

i cannot ever express in words the way that i feel towards my children. truly my mind and heart is with them all the time. a feeling that is akin to my love and affection for my husband. they are the sunshine of my life!